Melon heads and fruity goodness, I must must MUST be honest with you guys on an update how I've been doing.
Over the past couple of months, I've been absorbing myself onto the internet in pretty dark and dangerous levels. It never appeared this way on the surface, but "Vannamelon" has become the main center of my life.
Honestly, the only thing I primarily focused on was Vannamelon.. day in and day out. My energy, ideas, time, sweat and tears was dedicated into creating content for everyone to enjoy. In fact I once believed that the only fiber of "success" I will ever achieve in my life, was through my Youtube and the videos I come up with. Now you guys know me: I cannot
consider myself "hugely successful" in a conceited term.. but no doubt do my videos have insanely awesome feedback. And I guess because of that awesome feedback I receive daily, all of my attention went into the desire of wanting to receive more of that instead of properly taking care of myself.
Around a year ago I fought my depression, anxiety and an eating disorder - three things I still go through today. However instead of focusing on healing myself further and my future, I placed all of that energy into anyone else who needed my help online or through my channel. And if anything, I was fully aware of this dangerous approach. I just ignored it by either throwing more kindness to others or recording another line as Fluttershy. And this.. was extremely bad.
Tonight however.. I realized that if I were to continue this destructive journey, mentally I would plummet drastically and fast. I can't continue to place "the person behind Vannamelon" last anymore. Not only would it hurt me, but everyone else who I love around me. I almost made an irrational decision without thinking about the beauty around me first.
And so, I plan on taking a short break from Vannamelon. I'll probably upload one or two Fluttershy Plays I have already edited and ready to fly within the next couple days, but after that.. it's Vanna-healing time. I have devoted so much energy and patience into Vannamelon and helping other people who I deeply love.. to the point we're I'm almost ashamed I ignored helping/loving myself. But I have acknowledged now, and I'm ready to get better from this and consider this a learning path.
But don't worry! I'll be back as sweety-melony goodness as ever very soon -I'll be back ready to roll with mic in hand, watermelon in the other and a huge bigger heart ready to love everyone.. and
myself. 2016 will be a better year, I promise.
Hearts and watermelons to you all! Thank you so so much for everyone's support. See you guys on the cool side of the melon moon
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